C'est la vie.Ceci l'est.

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 02:59:20 GMT

what happens when you just stop caring. You figure everyone lets you down, especially the ones you love, so why care? It just hurts more, the more emotion you invest in them, the worst your heart breaks. Instead breaking evenly, its in large chunks and as these heavy peices fall, it doesnt miss a single organ, scraping every fiber it touches, leaving its mark. It's the best and the worst, best to remember that you did love someone that intensly, but worst because you dont feel whole anymore. Everytime you love you give a peice of you away, and then when their gone, that peice is gone.

when you have nothing left to give, thats when you'll find yourself.

12:10

Thu, 15 Oct 2009 01:16:56 GMT

Theres something outside
you dont want me to look?
why not?
are you scared that I might see something wonderful enough to leave?
Do you really have that little faith in me?
It seems good
seems tragic and beautiful
but yet you still hold me down.
beads of sweat.
no one will win.
cant you see you need to let my dream go.
let it be free to create and imagine.
the strains you hold this dream with infuse
brighter colors, different shades
tears in my eyes
im tearing apart now, your strains completely gone.
but yet i stll stay
the colors are far away now.
but the burning is still here.
in you
in me.

To my Byron

Sat, 03 Oct 2009 22:42:34 GMT

You could have bowed out gracefully
But you didn’t
You knew enough to know to leave well enough alone
But you wouldn’t
I drive myself crazy trying to stay out of my own way
The messes that I make but my secrets are so safe
The only one who gets me yeah you get me
It’s amazing to me how

Everyday
Everyday
Everyday you save my life

I come around all broken down and crowded out
And your comfort
Sometimes the place I go is so deep and dark and desperate
I don’t know I don’t know how

Everyday
Everyday
Everyday you save my life

Sometimes I swear I don’t know if I’m coming or going
But you always say something without even knowing
That I’m hanging on to your words with all of my might
And it’s alright, yeah I'm alright for one more night

Everyday

Everyday
Everyday
Everyday
Everyday
Everyday
Everyday you save me
You save me

Everyday you save my life

I've never heard words that fit so perfectly how I feel about someone.

Fri, 24 Oct 2008 14:00:13 GMT

so after a conversation I had with a fellow employee at red rocks I've made a decision.

all men are dogs in some way shape or form.

things ended with that guy, because I made the choice of not moving forward with it, I'm not settling anymore. I'm sick of it. And being with him would have MOST DEF be settling. I want everything, and I'm not going to stop till I have it. If thats not fair too bad.

but that doesnt mean I dont think about him sometimes.

...and to all a good night

Mon, 03 Dec 2007 03:44:40 GMT

I woke up this morning, sick but optimistic.

My throat had gotten drier, redder, and well..bigger. So a visit to the doctors was long overdue... I go, get the Z-pac, feel a sigh of releif as I drop it off knowing my mother will pick it up.

After a long fiasco, of my phone dieing mom forgetting, 7:30 comes around and I am just now putting my 1 day 2 pill combination in my mouth. I sit down to finally enjoy some Yoshis and Extreme makeover. 10:00 comes around and I hear my mother beckoning me at the top of the stairs, she is sniffling.

She comes downstairs only to tell me that my estranged vietnam vet uncle has died. You know the worst thing about this entire story? I didnt cry, I didnt feel bad, I didnt even feel sympathy for my mother. I felt anger and resentment towards my uncle for screwing up my christmas, he never took care of his diabetes, or did he find his families opinion very important. He was "an old vet coger" he was nuts, kinda silly at times, but always loving, and always told me how much I looked like my mother. I'm actually getting more emotional now than I was an hour ago. Wow.

I met someone, its a new feeling, a good feeling, kinda scary....we'll see.

oh yeah thanksgiving ruled by the way!

turkey lurkey

Thu, 22 Nov 2007 02:46:41 GMT

Soooooo

after watching the bachelor, I've decided that all men are dogs...... all of them. I have also decided that the bachelor and my recent ex have alot in common...not getting into that anymore.

yayyy for turkey day.
family.
food.
friends.

Hey little girl...

Mon, 08 Oct 2007 17:10:18 GMT

So its been an extremely busy week and some odd days that I last wrote.
Jeff and I ended things, well I ended things with Jeff. To put it nicely, he just isnt the guy that is going to be my next serious relationship.... besides, I'm kind of liking the single life, yeah, it has its up's and down's but heck, so does having a relationship...haha.

I have a job now. A steady one, I will def not be able to write on this thing while I'm working, but I will be enjoying it quite more than my other job. I'm excited about the decision process through which college I want to go to next. I'm too fickle, so one minute I like U.K, the next I'm really wanting to go to App... so I dont know, I guess we'll see.

I got a new phone! I am also with a new service...VERIZON!!! whoo hoo. I'm on the family plan with Nicole. That in itself is funny.

Well, kinda dull right now at the moment as I sit here in my towel with a million things to do today.
alrighty, talk to you later!

<3 B
ps- The charleston trip was a blast (aside from all the crappy drama, if you got facebook, then you know we had a good time)

Too much to do

Thu, 27 Sep 2007 17:07:07 GMT

I have so many things that are up in the air. Not that I dont mind it, I like a little mystery in my life, but damn. I wish I could decide on SOMETHING! I feel like if I do make a decision something is going to come along and make me change my mind, and then I'll be stuck wanting something other than what I have. (This pertaining to no individual thing)

I miss Corrina. I dont really get to talk to her that much, especially that my phone is not working anymore, and I just miss her. I got a letter from her that almost made me cry. I just, gosh, I want to be able to just drive over to her house, and sit down and tell her all these things that are in my life right now, but I cant. I wish I could, but shes up there, and I'm here...still.

Things with Jeff are good. Hes a wonderful person, and I enjoy spending time with him so much. It's just, I dont know what it is about being intimate with someone, I cant, I just cant. I'm not even talking about sex, I'm talking about any sort of lovey dovey expression, I just cant do it.I dont want to do it. Dont get me wrong, there are times that he looks at me and I want to just jump on him! I"ve been told that its completely normal to feel that way after what I've experienced. So, I'm just going with what everyone else has told me.

I think the Charleston trip will be a good one. Me, Nicole, Jeff and Shannon are going down to Char-town to get some pent up City air out of our lungs....I want no...slash that.... I NEED to go to the beach, I dont care if it rains the whole time, I just want to be on the beach, looking at the ocean, with three of my favorite people beside me. I cant wait!

OH MY GOSH

O.k, so I just got up to use the restroom, and theres this fish that is behind me, I dont know if I've talked about him yet, but I decided to name him Gus. Well, as I walking to go to the bathroom, I just saw that Gus died. Wow, the ladies just took him and put him the ladies bathroom in the hall, "a burial at sea" is what they called it. They're nuts. But they sure are funny.

Wont be hearing from me for a bit, I leave for Char-town tommorow. Be back Sunday, PEACE!

"I like my clothes to be tight enough to show I'm a woman... but loose enough to show I'm a lady"-Mae West

Shes asks, "Where the money at?"

Wed, 26 Sep 2007 17:19:41 GMT

So, I'm.... you guessed it at work.

I've been thinking alot about my life today.... have no idea why, just thinking of all the things that are going on right now....

Mom wants to get rid of Jax, and I dont blame her, why would I want something to remind me of my last relationship? (Saying that in the nicest way possible) plus, hes insane. The dog doesnt know anything, and whenever I have another guy over, he freaks out. I almost feel like hes judging me when he sees me with Jeff. I dont know, its almost like having a child after a divorce.....haha but not really.

My room that I've been trying to fix up for my mother is finally done, the only thing I need to do now are get frames for some pictures that go on the wall. It feels good to come home to a room that is (in so many words) more mature.

I'm still in the process of things with Appalachian, I think tonight I am going to say screw it, and do an online application AGAIN! Or at least get in contact with someone who will call a sista back....sheeze.

I had a great talk last night, like really talked, and alot of things came out of me that I didnt realize were there. I'm angry, about so many different things, I'm angry about the past relationships I've had, I'm angry about going back to school last January. I should have just stayed home, and went to CPCC, then I'd already be at Appalachian.

"But should of's, would of's, and could of's dont matter, you live for the present, today, that is where Gods blessings will be"

Anyway, so for right now, my goal, the only real thing important to me is the following school semester. I'm setting my goals higher for relationships, and giving up drinking as of today. I know it isnt like I drank every night, but for a while, I felt that the only way my friends and I have fun is by drinking, which is not the lifestyle I want to be living.

As far as my social life, good greif...
I have the most loyal friends a girl could ask for. They are so forthright and honest, and caring. Just when I feel like my basket is about to fall, they make me realize the beauty in life, that there is so much out there that I have yet to accomplish. They make me feel that life is awesome, that I can really do anything I want. And basically that I'm the most gorgeous thing that ever hit this earth....haha.

On the friend note, I do have one friend that was going through a tough time with her beau. She had just broken up with her boyfriend and the situation had waaaay too much grey area. But she said she was fine with it, and that she could deal with it, well the other night, I laid into her, maybe a little too hard, but I had just wanted so desperatly to see that he wasnt worth it, he was being a toad head and she is lovely. Well after basically making her cry and then soon pissing her off, I found the next day, a different person. She had talked to him, and things were said and his butt was shown, and she cried and let it all out and then realized, its done. I'm done, I'm going to get on with my life. The reason for me putting this in my journal is because I'm so proud of her, it takes guts to let go of a 2 year relationship, and she did.

Not that tears dont visit us every now and then, or the occasional song sneaks onto our radio that we immediatly turn off, but we are living. After both her and I were in pergatory relationships, we found a way out of it, I just wish she could have found an easier one, like I did. But, sometimes doing things the harder way makes you stronger, and maybe just a little bit wiser.

So off to the extravegant lifestyle that is mine aka answering phones, sorting out mail, dealing with middle aged men...
tata
Blake

P.S- Shannon and I have the worst list of guilty pleasures
-Gossip Girl
-Grey's Anatomy
-The Hills
-Rock of love ♥

So this is what it must feel like to be an adult

Tue, 25 Sep 2007 16:02:52 GMT

So I'm at work...like actual work... I'm typing and answering phone calls and sorting out files.... I even have one of those silly radios that are tuned down so low you can only hear a faint twain country song playing...nice.
Things have been coming along quite smoothly, if I do say so myself. I met a boy and he seems to be quite a catch, but I'm not falling for anything too soon. I'm not going to have a boyfriend for a wwwwwwwwhhhhiiiilllee.
To be honest with you, and myself, I dont think I'd be good at it.
I'm getting my appalachian university stuff together...but I dont want to out-right say to Corrina that I'm going....b/c what if at the last minute (which I've been known to do) I change my mind....but I have come to the realization that its time to grow up.... become an adult, you cant sit there and let all of lifes little problems get to you.
I have gotten along quite nicely being back in town and all.... my friends....they never cease to amaze me, and I cant begin to tell you how thankful I am to have Miss. Shannon here, she is such a wonderful person AND we're dating on facebook, its hawt.
Well, thats about it for now... I'm going to go back to work and figure out where the W2's go...haha, dont feel bad, I dont know what a W2 is either! haha.

Blake

Mon, 13 Aug 2007 13:36:13 GMT

There comes a point in life when you have to decide between what you want....and what you deserve..

I lost him, mainly because he was neither anymore.

I'll be fine....soon, I will be fine.

I'm already laughing which is a plus.

Thu, 29 Mar 2007 03:25:05 GMT

It looks as if my life hasnt exactly turned out the way I hoped.
I dont know if thats for the good or bad.... I'm turning into someone I never thought I would be. I am doing things I never thought I could do. I'm learning how to forgive, to live my life to the fullest. I'm learning how to accept the things I cant change... no matter how hard I want to.

My mother is not always right.
Shes definetly not always wrong either.
I want to be that woman....who works too hard, wears too high of a heel and laughs when people ask if her life isnt fufilled b/c she isnt the cookie cutter mom....I will be her one day.
My friends back home love me....recklessly, but love me none the less.
I wish I could freeze time.... so I could sing Gracie to sleep every night, so I could get it right.... finally.
My love for him has not wandered, its gotten stronger... more able to endure, but that doesnt mean I'm going to stick around to get my heart broken in two....again.
I love that I'm growing up... that I can have good hearted discussions with my mother, I just wish they didnt always incircle Talon.
Its amazing how many times throughout the months I've thought of Garrett... not in any way you [whomever you might be] are thinking of...but just woundering if hes doing o.k.
In the past 2 months I've had 2 great friends fuck up [sexually] and each time it happend, in the back of my mind, I secretly wished it was my mistake, not theirs.

I wish I had a nickel for every time I've eaten at Wendy's.... I'd be filthy rich.

I know I have alot more growing up to do, but I'm even starting to be proud of who I am..

So its right before....

Tue, 23 Jan 2007 12:46:44 GMT

I'm sitting here thinking of everything that has been going on in my life... I feel like I've grown alot as a person, but at the same time, I wont reach my high, untill I leave this place. It stinks because I really have come to love this place and the people that live here. I've met my reaching point when it came to my ex boyfriend. I have figured that no matter how hard it hurts, its best to leave things unsaid...and unfixed. Some situations you just cannot fix..... if a person is an a-hole, they are an a-hole. I'm finally figureing out what I want for myself, what I want to do with my life... I've even found someone to go to church with me, which I never thought would happen. My cup truly runneth over when it comes to the people I've recently met. I know proabobly none of this makes sense since it is 7 45 in the morning... I just felt like I had to say this...

But I will admit, as much of an a-hole he has been, I miss him... I dont know if its entirely him, but I do miss having that person to come home to... that person to cuddle with or talk to when your upset...but on that note, I know for a fact, that when I find another, it will be with eyes open, and my heart NOT on a silver platter.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!

Sat, 28 Oct 2006 22:58:26 GMT

I'm a ladybug.....

oh god... I look fricken sweet.

p.s- Talon is Gilligan off of Gilligans Island... yeah.... it's special.

-Blake

Read this...

Sun, 22 Oct 2006 16:32:06 GMT

If They know of him at all, many folks think Ben Stein is just a quirky
actor/comedian who talks in a monotone. He's also a very intelligent attorney
who
knows how to put ideas and words together in such a way as to sway juries
and make people think clearly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday
Morning Commentary.

Here with a few confessions from my beating heart: I have no freaking clue
who Nick and Jessica are. I see them on the cover of People and Us constantly
when I am buying my dog biscuits and kitty litter. I often ask the checkers
at the grocery stores. They never know who Nick and Jessica are either. Who
are they? Will it change my life if I know who they are and why they have
broken up? Why are they so important?
I don't know who Lindsay Lohan is either, and I do not care at all about Tom
Cruise's wife.
Am I going to be called before a Senate committee and asked if I am a
subversive? Maybe, but I just have no clue who Nick and Jessica are. If this
is
what it means to be no longer young, it's not so bad.
Next confession:
I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not
bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up,
bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel
discriminated
against. That's what they are: Christmas trees.
It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't
think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact,
I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating
this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger
scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If
people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred
yards away.
I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think
Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who
believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no
idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country.
I can't find it in the Constitution, and I don't like it being shoved down my
throat.
Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we
should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we
understand Him?
I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too.
But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from
and where the America we knew went to.
In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a
little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's
intended to get you thinking.
Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson
asked her "How could God let something like this Happen?" (regarding Katrina)
Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, "I
believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've
been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and
to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has
calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His
protection if we demand He leave us alone?" (She said the same thing when
interviewed after 9-11)
In light of recent events...terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I
think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found
recently) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK.
Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. the Bible says
thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself.
And we said OK.
Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they
misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might
damage
their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert
should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.
Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they
don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers,
their classmates, and themselves.
Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I
think it has a great deal to do with "WE REAP WHAT WE SOW."
Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the
world's going to hell.
Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible
says.
Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire
but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice
about sharing.
Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through
cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and
workplace.
Are you laughing?
Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on
your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will
think of you for sending it.
Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than
what God thinks of us.
Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it... no one
will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back
and complain about what bad shape the world is in.
My Best Regards .. honestly and respectfully,
Ben Stein

To each their own misery.

Thu, 05 Oct 2006 21:29:26 GMT

Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night, and just stare, whether it's at the ceiling or the wall, I've even caught myself looking at Talon while he's asleep. It sounds so cliche, but I wake up in a cold sweat worrying if I'm living my life too safe. I dont understand, I wanted to find someone so bad, and now that I have, I think maybe it's too soon to settle down for the rest of my life.... but each time I think I just need to move on, I look at him. I could never leave him, he has too much hold on me, I've put too much of myself into him. We are more than just a couple now, it's like we are soul mates, an equal balance of fighting and pure happiness. I love him, more than I ever thought was possible..... so why am I so damn scared? I dont like waking up every 4 hours in the night. I dont like doubting myself just because a lack of sleep. But I do love him, more now than ever.

I found a picture of Garrett and I, it was at Sandi's sweet 16 party, and he had just had his surgery done. I was sitting on his lap and he all swollen was just smiling as big as ever. I showed Talon, mostly just to admire a piece of my history, he told me to throw it away..... and I did.... I still regret that for some reason.

School has been so crazy, meeting new people, having new classes, it's almost like there is no other world when I am here. My mother has been sending me long heartfelt voice messages to come home and see the family for the weekend, "Talon can come too!", she says. But it's not about Talon, it's not about seeing my family. It's about how empty it feels to drive into a town that I dont necessarily view as my safe zone. My house, I still love my house, but the actual town of Huntersville, it's filled with memories. Like pins and needles for me to go to Yoshi's. I sit there...alone, thinking of all the times, I've scavenged money to go and eat those wonderful meals. I miss laughing till my stomach hurt and then talking about it more to the point of an asthma attack. I dont understand how I didnt relish in all the nights I lay on my back with the hot asphalt creek sizzling after it rained. I miss dancing in the rain.... I miss her. No eliquent words, or phrases, pure and simple, this sucks.

Fri, 07 Jul 2006 02:16:07 GMT

Well, I mean, what can I say? I've had an interesting 2 months....

Everything seems to be going great.
I HAD a job at Quiznos for a good solid month (something new) but then, you know, I just wasnt cut out for making sandwiches, plus the fact they worked me to the bone for 5.50 an hour, reeeeeeeeeeeeally didnt color my fancy too much. I just wish I could find a good job, where I could work hard, EARN my money and get respected for what I do. Not have some guy who has Napoleon complex and living on a highschool diploma tell me what I can and cant say to the customers..... not going to go there.

Have you ever been so excited to do or see something and then been let down so hard? That is how I kinda feel about this summer. This is supposed to be the best summer of all time, all of my highschool buddies are supposed to hang out and talk about all the crazy crap we do..... but I find myself only speaking to a handful of them. Some of them I never thought I would speak to ever again. I dont know... I guess some people do end up suprising you.

I visited Talons family for the 4th of July. It was bearable. Alot like mine. Loud and good hearted people, we got to stay at his aunts house in Folly beach. She lives right on the Marsh, it was beautiful. I met this one guy "Uncle Greg" he had one room dedicated to his ventures in Africa, supposedly he lived there for 10 years but doesnt like to talk about it because he misses it so much. Just talking to him made me want to travel, hes an arceologist and on his side time he does architecture.... yeah..... hes also curing cancer as we speak...haha. I love the fact that there are people who are still "out there" at the tender age of 48.Anyway. Talons other family memebers were also bearable.... his grandmother which they call Mimi pronounced: ME-ME. She was sweet, I think she was a bit too worried about me trying to seduce Talon.... haha, yeah. But the real cool thing about her was she was the first Miss. N.C State!! The FIRST! I love it. She also beleives in signs and crop circles, all that jazz, she was a hoot to listen to... thats for sure.

As for the actual 4th, it was amazing. I know that South Carolina already has about as much pride for their state as Bush has a love for oil.... but that ceremony was amazing. There was someone who sang the national anthem and we all stood up and put our hands over our hearts, it was amazing, I never felt such pride for my country that I did at that moment. And as for the fireworks,they were AWESOME! I feel like a a kid when I see those things go off, Talon got some pretty interesting pictures of us, which I'm sure are already on facebook....haha.

I'm in the process of Hell Diet, which is basically me doing anything I can to lose 15 pounds. Thats right, 15 pounds before August 24. I'm running, I'm lifting, I'm basically cutting everything I would normally eat in half. I'm not going to be able to pull off a good freshman 15, no matter what anyone says!

And I'm just going to put this down just because I cant really talk about it to anyone else, it would be so irrelevant to bring up in a perfectly tasteful conversation. But, I had someone screw with my myspace, and in the process of me almost making another one, I stopped. I decided that its so sophmoric for me to have one. I have facebook and if my friends need to stay in touch with me theres always my phone. Plus, a certain ex of mine has basicaly used his myspace to auction himself off to the highest bidder. Thats the only thing I could come up with, with him taking almost-nude pictures of himself, I dont understand people.... anyway. Him doing that, just brings to my attentin what people use myspace for.... ass.

Well time to take the nightly call. I hope all of you had a wonderful July 4th and stay safe!

BOB

things only college has taught me

Thu, 04 May 2006 17:00:00 GMT

heres what I've learned

Never say never, because right when you have accepted your fate and realize something will never happen to you, it will, and it will hit harder than you ever expected, sometimes this isnt a bad thing, sometimes this is a great thing, but either way, it hurts.

Dont go to your local restraunt and order something that sounded pretty, get what YOU know you like.... we are in college and the money we have to spend out to eat is very little, so use it wisely by ordering food you know you'll love.

wear heels

dont ever not take a call from your best friend, I dont care if its 5 in the after noon or 5 in the morning, they are there for you and you should be there for them. Even if you have an exam in 3 hours and someone needs to talk......talk.

Never drink Evan Williams and expect a good night.

Leave your dorm door open, you'll never guess what will walk in.

Always dream, dream big, even if you think it wont happen, its always fun to dream, dreaming keeps the imagination alive, and your imagination keeps you young at heart, therefore, I will never be old if I just dream.

Keep old photos of you up, even for your boyfriend to see, yeah you were geeky, so what? That's a part of why you are the way you are today.

dont whore around, casual sex is so overrated.

When it comes to other people's feelings, respect them, dont degrade someone because you feel inadequate.

When a person says I love you, whether its your friend/mom/boyfriend, say I love you back, no matter how mad you are at them.

always have time to be spontaneous.

Dress up when you can.

Smile.

Dont hold feelings in , write, rant, scream, do whatever you have to, to get it out, and over with.

Most of all, never forget, this is your youth. As deep and involved as you might want to seem, live it up, be happy! Drink! Dont think too much into what might come, but what is happening right now......

and most of all....never ignore your families phone calls..... they're your family, love them while you can!

I'm blissfully happy

Wed, 12 Apr 2006 16:02:34 GMT

These moments in my life are very rare, where I am absolutely content with everything. I'm so happy to where God has led me to this point in my life. I feel like at any moment I could lose almost everything I have, because for once, I have alot to lose.

At first the girls here, I couldnt stand. But now, I've come to love them for what they are. Yes, they are materialistic and at times stuck up.... but there are a select few that are truly interesting and that I feel a connection with. My roommate for next year is so sweet, and she has a boyfriend that is friends with Talon (I know... how 50's) but it really does help.

I'll be living in the village next year. Which I am so super stoked about. It's bascially like a condo that you share with other people, and thank the lord Carcy is my roommate, because her and I share one characteristic that is wonderful. We are not girly.... but we are..... you understand, and even if you dont, I'm gonna pretend.

Talon. Talon is amazing. I dont know how else to describe him. He is......... I'm just so blessed to have found someone like him. I love him. More than I could.
He's planning a suprise for me today!!!! YAY!
Oh yeah... and yesterday was our 2 month...

I'm so excited for Saturday.... (Which if you didnt know) Talon and Carcy are coming home with me for Easter. I'm excited to see if my brothers like him or not. Which I know they will......

Anyway, I've got a 5 page paper due tommorow so I should proabobly get on that.... and well, I just wanted everyone to know I'm doing great, and Ice Age 2/ Crash/ Brokeback Mountain are great movies.... go see 'em!!!!

Things I love...

Mon, 27 Feb 2006 16:58:45 GMT

I love the fact I have Corrina.
I love the fact I got to suprise my momma by bringing Talon down for the day yesterday.
I love the fact my brother took me aside yesterday and told me to hold on to this one.."this is the first one where your just as lucky to have him as he is to have you"
I love my new North Face jacket...SUCKAAAS
I love being able to be happy and doing well in school.
I love my big ass bed.
I love cuddling with him.
I love making out.
I love great pictures which really dont do it b/c the stories are better.
I love my noisey refrigerator.
I love my stupid car and how Talon doesnt look right driving it.
I love my friends at Brevard and back home.
I love Charlie and Dan....it was so great seeing them.
I love falling asleep in his arms....he's sooo comfy.
I love falling for him.
I love my stupid cell phone and how it's decided to not let all calls go through...which is sort of a blessing since some people I'd rather not talk to.
I love my family.
I love me.
I love him.

My mom and I were talking last night.... she was so shocked that I dont really wear makeup anymore.... since I've gone to the tanning bed, I really dont see a reason to do it.
She loves Talon.... all my family does. And I'm glad, I finally got one. I'm so incredibly happy about everything... I'm just holding on to this feeling for as long as possible... cause lord knows, when one area of your life goes well, another part falls to peices.... I'm hoping it's just my time to be happy. My mom started crying when Talon went to get gas for Sylvia. She was like, "I would give a billion dollars to have a man that good looking look at me the way he looks at you" haha.... I love it....

On another wierd note, Megans baby shower is the 18th.....I'm pissed off.... I dont want to go, I dont want to see her, I just dont want any of it..... but, I dont know.... we'll see I guess....

-Blake

"Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers"

I just read a couple of my last entries....

Fri, 17 Feb 2006 23:37:22 GMT

so I read my old entries... some were way back in June.

The only thing I feel about that time is complete and udder bullshit. I'm starting to feel the anger Brian said I would feel a bit after the breakup. I'm so fucking pissed off at him.

I introduce him to MY friends.
I invite him on MY vacation.
I give him MY heart.

and I didnt get shit back.

I look back at the whole experience with total remorse..... I should have just let it go when he put up the lame ass excuse of "I dont love you anymore" back in December..... he is so weak. He acts like a badass..... and wants to be a badass. But haha, he's anything but.

What pisses me off even more it's like, he almost fooled me into being with him, at first being all sweet and loving and then, not long afterward, he was just another asshole.........GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

I'm so glad I met Talon..... to show me how a boy is supposed to treat a girl.

When I'm with him, I dont second guess myself. I'm just myself. Whether that's at 4 in the morning laying on my bed talking about his childhood or all dolled up to go to a party...... He loves my quirk's and how my hair looks if I just let it naturally dry....... gosh....... I'm stupid for not coming in August.

-Blake

It's one of those day's... you know the kind.

Wed, 01 Feb 2006 17:36:45 GMT

Have you ever just looked around one day and asked yourself, "What the fuck is going on?"

At first, I was so happy here. I didn't really know what to expect, I thought this could be a new beginning for me. That's what's so wierd. I get along great with the people here. Hell, I've even got asked out by some good looking guy's. But I'm still in this slump. No matter what I do, I seem to make a mess out of things. My mother and I got in a fight 2 nights ago, and I hadnt spoke to her since.... till I realized I have no money what so ever. I then found out a have a nice declining balance on my check card. *Great.... another thing to validate my stupidity*

I feel like I cant talk to anyone anymore. All it seems to do is instead of lifting me up, basically tear me down even more so. I'm sitting here in my dorm, on my computer, when I know I have like 3 papers to do, and not enough time to do them in. I also know that one night while my roomate is sleeping I'm going to kill her. She smokes in my bedroom, trips on acid and listens to fucking loud ass music while others are trying to sleep. I dont get how someone can be so inconsiderate of other's.

Then, there's Ryan. Dont even get me fucking started on that. I'm pissed off at myself for so many reason's in our relationship. We broke up, b/c it's just too stressful to be together while he's going through 3 job's and I'm going through college. Here's the kicker, we love each other, and still talk...alot. But, we arent together. It pisses me off to see these half naked 13 year old's on myspace telling him he's hot. *To be honest, it also grosses me out*. All the guy's back home tell me how beautiful I am, how awesome my personality is.... but when I see one of those "Hi, my names Sasha and I like to take pictures in my underwear and post it on myspace b/c my daddy didnt hug me enough when i was little" slut's.... I'm not gonna lie, I feel intimidated. I'm not good at being "slutty" my friends have tried to dress me up in that before, it ended in me either tripping or fidgiting the whole night cause I felt so uncomfortable. I'm me, whatever that is. I'm smart, I'm classy, I'm pretty. I'm not going to pose nude for fucking myspace, I'm not going to leave little hearts and x's and o's when I write something to someone, it's just not me.

I miss home. Alot. Like, alot, alot, alot.

I was so tempted to go to Savannah with my friend David yesterday, but I had class, and a test. God.... I want to do something out of the ordinary. I want to do something spontaneous.... I feel like I havent done that in so long.....

I'm going home this weekend.... it' smy last weekend, so I'm going to live it up as much as possible. +Megan's going to be there too...... I hope that turns out to be a good thing.

*blake*

So far....So good.

Wed, 18 Jan 2006 01:01:19 GMT

So... I'm at college, finally.... after all the bitching and moaning and wanting to get the hell out of highschool, I'm here.

Let me tell you what.... it is awesome. I fit in so well here. I actually have a rather hard time differentiating myself from my hall-mates. They are awesome as well. Everyone is so amazingly nice. I mean, dont get me wrong, you've got your occasional asshole.... but other than that, it's so chill. I really lucked up with my roomate and my room. I have a corner room (specifically for a R.A) basically, combine 3 of the dorms YOU stay in, and that's what I get....hot, I know.
I have found that I've stopped questioning myself. I've become... I dont know, more assured of who I am. The things that used to bug me, dont.... I mean, I just dont sweat the small stuff anymore. I guess it helps I have Ryan back at home.
My classes are going to be a peice of cake.... I have this plan for myself.... and I think it's working...

And this is just after the first week. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Anyway's, gotta clean and do my work... lata

-Blakerrrrrrrrrrs

Lets say we agree, and never change.

Wed, 04 Jan 2006 07:44:48 GMT

Life. It's like a box of chocolates. You never know what your going to get. Wise words.

I dont know what to say..... I sit here still thinking if I should write what I really feel, or just exclaim wonderful thing's that my friends want to hear, or rather, read. I think I'll take the less traveled path.

So, I've erased 2 paragraph's twice. I'm just going to put it like this.

College on Sunday. I love Ryan. Scared to death. Great friends. Miss alot of people.

-Blake

Some thing's you REALLY NEED TO KNOW!

Mon, 12 Dec 2005 00:20:33 GMT

♥ I need a dress.
cansomeonepleasesendmealinktofindaniceclassyblackdressthateveryonewillbelikewhaaaacomenewyearsevekthanksbye♥